Debating on giving this another go...
I think I have come to a point in my life where I need to accept being alone. Yes, I have my family, my two roommates, friends that I occasionally see here and there when out barhopping...but I feel something missing. It might be cliché to believe that a significant other can make one seem complete but I do have a yearning for another aspect of my life to begin - an aspect that involves a healthy relationship with a self-sufficient, loving, attractive (at least to me ;D) man. A relationship that goes both ways and isn't restricted to one day a week or just weekends. But this is nearly impossible for me to find with how I am approaching the situation. I'm not sure what factors I need to change but some are obvious; searching in a bar, not lowering my standards, communicating more. I know what I need to do but then again, I am entirely lost. Of course, no one wants to rush or force anything...but what has really stirred the pot is that my ten year high school reunion is approaching and I am dreading the thought of going. I've actually already convinced myself not to go because I don't want to be tortured by the percentage of "married happily with children". But why do I feel guilty about this decision?
Everyone's advice has been along these lines - "You will not be happy with anyone until you are happy with yourself." I understand this but I guess I haven't *found* myself yet. Which is why I keep telling myself I need to accept being alone. Stop whining about being single. Stop degrading myself. I want a calmer, more loving existence where my mind doesn't keep spinning what ifs about marriage, children, my future, etc. I need help in acceptance of living in the now and finding who I am, accepting who I am, truly understanding it. Right now, my only solace might be scouring the self-help aisle at the bookstore. :/
